Christina’s Journey: Phase 9

6b45a0b2aa4cdb914603f4d698c1596f  February is a month filled with honors and recognition such as Heart Awareness, Black History, President Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, my 31st birthday, and the BIGGEST one of all, Valentine’s Day.  Everyone will be out looking and searching for the best gift for their spouse or significant other.  I will not be a part of that movement because I want to give my husband something that is everlasting.  The everlasting gift is ME!

As I have stated in a previous blog on our page that I knew my husband was the person for me from our first date.  Having my dream become a reality was the most ultimate gift God created and sent to me.  Being diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma after a month of marriage was devastating.  Fast forward to the present on February 2, 2016, my intimacy capabilities became dormant. Going through two years of chemotherapy, which created a Love & Hate relationship with my body.  Even though, chemotherapy and the Stem Cell Transplant put me into remission but left some damages along the way.

I believe in transparency and integrity in order to have continued growth in my life.  Having chemo being pushed constantly through my veins utilizing a port in my chest took a major toll on my body.  One major piece that it took from me was my womanhood, which left me feeling my being and purpose of being a woman was stolen from me.  On March 13, 2015, it was the last day that I saw my abilities become obsolete to have a biological child.  I buried the reality of not having my whole being come into an affect.  As always, suppressing pain and disappointment just guides you to another level of the downward spiral.  I lay my hands on my stomach and abdomen praying to God to remain obedient to Him because of “God’s Promise.”  On February 26, 2016, my missing puzzle piece of womanhood was restored like it had never left.  GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!!  The first thought that ran through my mind were babies, babies, and more babies.  Before that can come into play I must insure this is a regular gig and not a special guest performance.

My biggest FEAR that I never knew in a million years would occur is my low level of sexual activities and desires.  Intimacy is important in a relationship, it comes in different forms, and only brings you even closer to your significant other.  When my Oncologist told and explained to David and me why we could not embrace our intimacy levels completely due to my treatments.  Being on chemotherapy weakened my immune system and decreased white blood cells that prevents illness and encourages healing.  Having those ailments against me it kept one aspect of our intimacy on another level.  Currently, being in remission I am beginning at ground zero.  My desires are little to nonexistent, my body is not responding as previously, and I feel defeated to a degree.  When I recognized what was going on I quickly “Google” because I refuse to be a victim.  I am a SURVIVOR and I am in the fight for my life everyday.  “Knowledge is power” and I am empowered and obligated to communicate with my husband and collaborate with him to bring our groove back in 2016.

It is extremely imperative that Chronic Illness does not become a catalyst in leading a relationship down to the ground.  Always communicate, always say “I love you,” always spice things up so you do not become complacent, and most importantly continue to be self aware of who you are.

Always Fighting & Surviving,

Christina D. Sadler-Young

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