Christina’s Journey: Phase 8

“The Lord replies, ‘Write down the message I am showing you in a vision.  Write it clearly on the tablets you use.  Then a messenger can read it and run to announce it.'” Habukkak 2:2

It has been a while since I have written anything.  The reason of my absence is due to illness and I kind of lost my way.  I strongly believe as being a leader I must be transparent and true to myself, so I can become stronger after the trial is over.  It is very important to do the above task, because that is how you keep pushing when you feel like giving up.

I know you are wondering what my thoughts have to do with the Lord’s request of writing down your message from your vision.  Anything we put into the atmosphere will become our reality.  You must be careful because as the scripture states messengers will announce your information to others.  Being in remission has had a profound effect on me.  After having the Stem Cell Autologous Transplant my life felt real again.  All of sudden the joy of recovery came to a screeching halt.  I did not understand how I went from positive movement to negativity of a downward spiral.  I had a lung disease caused by excessive amount of chemotherapy and I was on steroids that altered me mentally and caused great physical pain.  My body was not following instructions and with all of these disorders I became isolated.  It took away my quality of life that I waited so long to gain again.  I truly lost all of my motivation and my determination to keep what is mine.

My epiphany moment did not occur until recently.  Our brain is a powerful machine.  Sometimes I would not get out of the bed either from being in so much pain or depression was settling in.  Being a Survivor is the hardest person to be when you were always fighting to stay alive.  It took a lot of changing my mindset.  I knew God never left me and He gave me the tools to be my own hero.  I began going back in my journal to see where my spark was so I can continue to fight the next chronic illness battle.  I will tell God, my family, and my friends that I wanted my life back and only 24 hours to be pain free and illness free.  When the Lord responded, it was in the scripture to write the vision and share the vision.  I shared my vision to myself to have motivation and determination again to live my “new” normal life without cancer.  The steps to a better life just began this week.  I had been silencing and blocking God’s vision because I was putting negativity into the atmosphere and getting no nourishment.

Overall, chronic illness is consuming all of your being.  I know first hand if it consumes you, you will become the reality of your thoughts.  As always, it still is a battle everyday to stay mentally strong and alive to have the best quality of life!

Always Surviving,

Christina

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