I am preparing for my Autologous Stem Cell Transplant procedure since I had collected enough bone marrow, but first I have to take care of home. Phase 4 in chronic illness of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma will be focusing on having relationships with your husband, wife, and/or life partner while going through your chronic illness. Having a chronic illness you automatically think it should be all about you but it is not. You must learn to have the strength to balance yourself and others, especially your caregivers. Being married you have to be extra sensitive to your partner’s needs and wants. I have the most giving and selfless husband that not being able to do my wifely responsibilities was crushing and I would feel like a failure to some degree. I was taught by my parent’s marriage that you take care of your mate; it helps you grow closer to one another and develop a deeper respect for your marriage.
During the time of my preparation of being admitted into the hospital for my transplant I was making a list of things to accomplish for my household. David is the sole provider for the family at this time and my job/duty is to make his home front as stress free as possible. David and I had to learn how to communicate effectively with each other in order to become successful in a stress free home. You can not approach situations in the same manner as you did in the past before being diagnosed with a chronic illness.
- You can not wear your feelings on your shoulders, which can be challenging at times. When you are sick your mood goes from one extreme to the next because of your medications and that you just do not feel well. You must become more understanding and adapt to your “new normal.”
- You must be a good listener. We all know the saying: “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.” Always be attentive, so you can squash any uncertainty and do not sweat the small things. Some “issues” are not issues and are a waste of time to discuss so BE QUIET.
- Always show that you love your mate and say you love them. You will do and say mean things just because of #1 occurring. Apologize in advance and do not dwell, move on.
I always strive to go beyond the call of duty for my husband because he deserves it. During the month of February of 2015, I concentrated even more on David. I was going to be out of the home for two months (30 days in the hospital and the last 30 days in Gastonia with my parents) for my stem cell transplant. He had already and continues to sacrifice a lot for me and I make sure I do the same even to this day. As I stated in the beginning you must keep the balance. When one is weak the other must be strong and vice versa. I always pray more for my husband and family/friends than for myself because it is much harder on them than it is for you. Besides everyone processes things differently, so you must learn how to “coach” to everyone’s needs individually rather than one message for the same group. Always be humble and allow yourself to be in less control, because it will make your healing process so much smoother. Remember it is not all about you, you have responsibilities too! Until next time, stay and be blessed.
~Dedicated to my husband, David Young